The book was based on a story that was developed over the course of yeeeears of chat RP, when I was younger.
I wanted to make something of it for a long time since then but several attempts met PC crashes. Not this time, though. This time, things have gone well toward that effort.

About 2 weeks ago, a number of people started to take interest in it, so I made a promise to release a preview of it, once I was done with the section I was writing.

A couple days ago, I finished that section and spent the last two days editing and preparing the preview document. I published it on Facebook, this afternoon, and someone suggested I post it here, too.

You can download/read it  here.

It's called Mur Al'Sheen: A Sought Redemption.

It's the first of of what will be a 2-3 book series. The title means "A Soldier's Tale" or "Tale of a Soldier" in the mother language of the overall main character, also written for the book.

To avoid being repetitive, I won't summarize the story because there's a summary at the very start of the preview document.

Enjoy!

Being 20-below in July... well according to Al Gore (well, not really, but for comedic dramatization's sake): One day, Monday, someday soon.

My point is.. nothing is impossible and everyone should get that. Impossible only exists when people concede to barriers. The only time something is impossible is when someone looks at the challenge and declares it too tall. Even if that happens, someone else more persistent and determined comes and knocks down said challenge. That's how we get world records, feats of wonder and works of genius.

SO.. I'm one of those people who believes nothing is impossible if one is determined enough to do what he or she wants to do. There might be obstacles and people in the way but... that's what tanks are for.

So, what do I want to do with my infinite possibilities? I want to write books that become well known and get made into films.

I want to go allover and see what I've been missing in the rest of the world. I wanna live elsewhere. I'm gonna serve a tour of military service in at least one of the countries I go to live, just to say I did it. I'm gonna start a new business, everywhere I get to.

If there's time, I'm gonna take over Earth.

Except for that last one, all of what I'm gonna do is easily feasible.

Last one might take a long while and little creativity and planning...

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When I got up in counterattack less than a year later, after the worst was thrown at me, I was filled with a lifetime of terrible resolve. That resolve gave way to the desire for a rewritten and peaceful existence. I renounced any intent for revenge or retribution. My mission since then has been to claw my way out of the grave, away from the bones and spilled blood of past years. Away from every living soul that has contributed to those bones. It's only when I manage to do this that I will be able to truly forgive those who've done me wrong. I feel like I can do that if I can reach a place where I will never likely see or hear from them again.

For those 5 years, I have sought and tried with all my might to achieve that. I've seen many places and jobs as a result. For the last 2, I've been doing those things while recollecting the pieces of myself that were shattered in one particular swoop. Someone attacked my heart and cut me down swiftly. To this day, some parts of me have not been rebuilt. Not just because of that, but it was a culmination of a lifetime of repressed pain, released at once, with a final broken promise.

I'm not better, still. To claim that I am completely healed is a lie. But I've been slowly coming back to a good place. In the beginning of 2009, I could feel that process begin. Something just told me my heart was good enough to stand alone and operate the way it's supposed to, again.

But there's still been the matter of getting far enough away from family. I love them as a son, a brother and such should but they collectively have created in me a lot of negativity that I've sought space from, time and time again. Finding out that I'm an abortion survivor changed the most sacred relationship of them all, for me. I've been as far as 850 miles from them all. I wasn't meant to be in that particular place but I can honestly say that I felt liberated. At least that was on monkey I'd shaken off my back. I returned to my state.. and gained, eventually, a few miles of distance. It's still not enough. I can still be called and reached and drug down in the same way they drag each other down.

I feel like my life has been derailed and hijacked by just that, alone. So, I took it upon myself to get at least as far away as I did last time. In November of 2009 (or was it October?... Don't remember.. Nah it was October) another window opened. Another opportunity to make an impossibly far leap. No details.

I get to pickup on a dream that I abandonned years ago, because I got a real opportunity to go and do it. A job offer in a forbiddingly far place. All I have to do is fly, when everything is ready.

And so a day I've waited for, when I can put an end to all hostilities is slowly approaching. It's a day of promise. A day when everything that has taken place will melt away from over my heart and into the archives of my history as I begin again with the time I've reclaimed. It may be too soon, but I was thinking about it this morning.. and it's high time I forgive everyone that needs it to move forward without being stuck in remorse or.. whatever.

I am currently locked in the mother of all battles to be able to afford the jump, when it's time. I can no longer afford to live in the past that's filled with things and times that are dead and gone and cannot be brought back.
I can no longer move fast enough, weighed down by tons of grudges.

So, if any of you are out there, this morning, before I start this day, another day of my life to use toward my goal, listen closely:

I forgive you. I've had the time to reach as far into my ability as I currently can. Now go on with your lives. It's time for us all to move on.

I'd like to know what it's like not to be hungry, cold, with just as much happiness in your life as there is sadness.

I'd like to know what it's like to be all knowing and being able to do anything because you have all the knowledge and, therefore, all the power there is to have.

This is probably the only person I'd want to trade shoes with. Outside of God, being me is interesting, wonderful, terrible and a challenge enough for me.

I can imagine everyone else is a grass-looks-greener type of circumstance, so I wouldn't waste my 1 day on someone who simply appears to have a better life than me. Everyone's reality is such that they are, just as much as me, at war for some reason, cause or goal, so to trade spots with them seems like trading one life for another of the same general kind, granted with different details.

I would, under no circumstances, want to be a woman. Even for a day. And I can't think of any men I know I'd trade shoes with that would be worthwhile.

I think, therefore, that the only unique or truly remarkable trade would be with God, the biggest shoes of all, to fill. Not to mention the longest day to go through.

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-Wake up.
-Contemplate wtf I just dreamed about, trying to remember any of it for later discussion.

-Penis status check.
-Search around for house shoes.

- Stumble to the bathroom.
- Pee.

- Go back in my bedroom to turn off the alarm clock that's just now rung.
- (On Mondays Tuesday & Some Thursdays) Search around my closet for a fresh dress shirt. Select one of two ties. Unfurl my Y-back suspenders.

- Go back in the bathroom. Strip. Get a towel and wash clothe from under the sink. Examine my facial hair in the mirror (evaluating need or ill need to shave). Do the chesty pumpy thing with the epic overture music.

-Stand outside the tub. Fire up the hot water with a hint of cold water. Turn on shower mode. Hop in.
- Wash ass. Streaks, spots, wipe wipe wipe. Lather, rinse and repeat as needed.
- Hop out, wrap up and shave. Proceed to oiling and grooming hair (if it isn't cut off) Dry off.
-Go suit up. Maybe eat a bowl of cereal.

- (Mon. Tue/Thu), Hop on a bus in town to work, roundabout 7:30. Sit through.. way too long an opening session at the main office (starting at 8-8:20 because the office is always locked for a variable amount of time, depending on when the managers decide* to come to wor.. during which they evaluate the day before and practice borderline pagan rituals of money praise and so forth. Go drive with a squadron of others to a distant city. Harass random people to solicit sales. Holla at a few women in the process because I look good and they look good and it's all good if they don't respond cuz I'm just staving off boredom.

-Eat lunch on my own time, likely at least a couple hours after most others because they have to eat as soon as we get out of the opening meeting and I'd like to get a little exhaust and fatigue in before.

- Go back to office, roundabout 6:30, to wrap up and report how much of their secondhand cr-stuff I've sold then chew the fat with all the pretty boys and pretty girls who think they sell a lot because they're good salesmen (and privately lol at this). Turn in. Go out to a nearby bus stop. Talk to whoever is there, as they invoke a conversation until mine comes or theirs comes.

-Come home. Eat whatever I can catch for dinner. Argue with sisters over the phone, for one reason or another. Hang up eventually, getting either bored or angry with the argument. Fire up my PC. Pour myself a drink. Open a previous document and then get to hammering away on my book, hoping to finish the previous chapter or delving into a new one. This continues until I run out of ideas, fall asleep, or until around 12, at which time I have to sleep.

-On days not spent at the sales job, the shower scene and breakfast commences at maybe 9, sometimes 10. Most times, it's these days I'll shave on, so I can look presentable on the other days. I'm not a morning person when not on someone else's schedule. I will spend these days a little differently:

- I exercise for about an hour. Sometimes 2. Just enough to wake up and get circulating. I'll spend the rest of the morning logged into client website servers, making changes here and there adding and deleting things, as requested. This job only has creative license at the start of a client project. Not once it's started and running. Then it's just directed maintenance. This may also occur at different times in the day, for urgent needs.

- At the same time this is going on, some days I will be dialoguing with my host sponsor in Changsha, who recently relocated from Shenzhen, for reasons unknown. We will be discussing uninteresting and fine details of the business he's setting up for which I will soon move to work.

- I spend the first couple hours in the afternoon cleaning, doing laundry and such. I likely will have my nieces and/or nephew who for reasons unknown didn't go to school that day and need to be watched and cared for. I never know what days this may happen on, but this is one of the few things I tolerate with open arms.
I'll make food for them. Teach them something and play with em if I feel like it, that particular day.

-Some days, the entire family will show up and occupy my territory indefinitely, using it as a chill spot and base of operations for their errands. The pleasantness of this is hit and miss. Sometimes, nobody starts anything with anybody and it's all good. I'll even be the life of the day.. because that's what I do, on holidays and anytime we're together in public as a family. I make the table laugh. Sometimes they do, with me.. or with each other.. and everyone eventually goes home mad.. and I stay in mine mad.

-I'll spend the time from whenever they go home on either writing or studying a language,  which has been Chinese in particular for the last 3-4 months, seen as I'll soon need it more immediately than any other. Friends of mine will call intermittently. Some of them I'll talk to for a long while. Some I won't even answer, for not wanting to talk to that person. I'll keep writing, in that case. Sometimes I unwind with a PC game . I have lots of stress to manage and blowing shit up in a game is the way to do it, I think.

-On some weekends, I like to go out with whoever's doing something. Every Sunday since April, I've been going over to Motor City Casino, with my top 2. We go over to the Chromatics Lounge, which is basically one of the casino's gambling free chill spots, and chillout to whatever's there, be it music or some contest, all afternoon.

The Sunday before last, we hit some dum guy who jay walked in front of us [and a fleet of oncoming traffic] on the way home. He didn't get hurt but we never heard of him again.

I then come home, get dressed for bed.. and try to write, again, for a short while.

This will continue until 2 or 3 am, at which point I'll... have some ..uh.. me time. Then I spend a little while thinking. I think about the events of that day. What has to be done the next day, and ask myself why I should get up to do it. If that day was a particularly bad day, I may find answering that a little more challenging, and probably not very motivating. But if it wasn't that bad a day, it wont be such a hard question.

I invoke the input of whatever God is out there, most times. This is as close to prayer as I possibly get.
Somewhere close to 3, with the preceding monologue complete, I keel over asleep.

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If I were about to die as a result of a car crash, I'd look up and say ">> Do I have enough time left to call GEICO?"

If I were a soldier, fatally wounded, I'd promptly turn to whoever's trying to pull me away to safety and go:

Me: "Get outta here, boy. I'm finished. I ain't gonna make it"
Them: "Negative, sir! I'm not leavin' you here!"
Me: "Get outta here, now! That's an order.::cough::"
Them: "I can't! You'll die ou-"
Me: "I'll be fine, just do me one favor ::takes out concealed wallet sized photo::"
Them: "Yea, Sarge? What? Just tell me what it is-"
Me: "Tell your wife,... I love 'er. ::dead::"
Them: "You got it, Sarge, I'll-... wait, what?!..You sonova bitch!"

I think my personal favorite is this one: If I die of old age or some kinda disease when I'm elderly (God forbid either one), I'm gonna round up my kids at my deathbed to say the following:

"Kids.. I know we had our differences and all..::cough:: but I want you to know... all that's forgiven..:coughchuffcough::. I'm not gonna worry about it, where I'm goin. Believe me.

What I am gonna worry about is where my money goes; Yea, I've been saving it since you all were little. There's almost a million dollars.. in a safe deposit box in my basement. :::cooooooooooooooooooough::.. You all gotta split it between ya.

I left the key to it in the....::strain::... in the....::strain::..the..ba-..::dead::".

I'm determined to go out with a laugh.. at least for me, if no one else . 

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It wakes you up out of your sleep, to make you feel panicked, yet good. It makes you wanna call that person, at 4 in the morning, so you can tell em what you just realized. It always feels like the beginning of something, even if it's still a one-way thing at the time. What makes you get flustered that way is the sudden realization that that person is in you: They're just outside your skin, in the plasma between your blood cells, and in the spaces between every other axon and every other dendrite of your synapses. In that same moment, you decide that it feels right to acknowledge that.. and carry on from there, living with a new organ.

This new organ gives you additional strength. It becomes a part of your survival instinct. You will protect it with your life, instinctively.. and without thinking, from that point on. That person feels no different than close family.. well different in some ways.. but you know you love them when all you want to do is bring them safety and happiness.. and when you decide that that virtue is an "at all cost" pursuit.

It's like finding religion.. only it's the placing of faith and surrendering of one's self and life to something that is real.

It takes a long time to achieve that. It may only be achievable once or twice in a lifetime. But when that knowledge is there, all of life changes for the better.

Life ceases to be an endless war for ambiguous dreams, fought on a forbidding planet. It, instead, becomes a state of existence where time matters just a little less, because everything is clear and warm and all things feel possible.
   

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I don't remember what day exactly it was.. one night in late February of 2004.. at my high school's winter festival.
I took about 4 days to draft a band of people I knew played the instruments I needed for the arrangement and teach them the song I wrote. At the last minute I found someone whom I had heard* was a decent singer. I had intended for it to be a cross-category performance.. but about half of the people I enlisted to contribute didn't show up on the night of.

At the very least, all my instrumentalists showed up and my singer also did.. so we improvised the 3 and a half minute show that was planned and it turned out very well.

I was up there playing with them, since only I knew the keyboard chords at all, and I think that was the most calm I'd ever been. I just wanted to go up and play what I worked on putting together that week.

At the end, we received what sounded like more than a compulsory applause. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say we were probably one of the best performances of that night, because that's what I was told by more than a few people, most of whom I didn't know personally.

I was glad not to have messed up noticeably, playing my part, and glad to have been the show that woke the audience up that night and I'm also glad that I've managed to keep the recording that, for me, immortalizes that night.
  
http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/1/15/647527/Music/GOMDsaved.mp3

Everytime I listen to it, it takes me right back to that night.

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I am named after my father, whom I guess you could say is the older, Mark-I model.

So, given my name & the way I see this world.. I wonder if it means I'll do something important here.

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