I dunno, I don't handle break ups well because I'm not a person who rations their contribution to a relationship for sake of damage control.

I can only imagine how devastated I'd be after some woman that I love and poured everything into decides to leave. I can say I wouldn't have done anything to deserve it, as much as I might look back and magnify shortcomings to be equivalent.

I think that'd be the end of my pursuit of happiness for this lifetime. I can't imagine it'd be a worthwhile pursuit after that.

Some people can do it. I can't. I really don't understand why people get married on a whim if they quit as easily as people do these days.

My parents are divorced.. and they probably should be. They're pretty incompatible and both nuttier than a bag of paydays.

As far as I can tell, it only amounted to me having a distant relationship with my dad and an uncomfortably clingy one with my mom. I don't think I have any issues stemming from them being separated, since that's all I've ever known (they've been divorced since before I was born). I do have some issues with my relationships to them but I don't blame them being apart for that. They could easily have put more effort into normalizing relationships with me and I would never know the difference.

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I have never been a person who looks for Mrs. Right Now. I sometimes feel like I lost out on some good times by never having that phase.

Based on my experience, I would say that what matters the most about a woman is where her heart is.

I can deal with a woman who isn't a perfect 10. In fact, I'd rather deal with one who isn't . I wouldn't ever feel within my league otherwise and I'd always have to keep a billy club handy for all the covetous gents around.

I can deal with a woman who doesn't quite know what to do with her life. In fact, I could be the most useful to someone in that condition. I am a world-class support system.

The best part of any relationship is when you connect to that person completely and it becomes something shared.. almost like having family. Things like physical and mental attraction thrive in that kind of relationship if you really try.

I think I'd just like not to be so expendable to someone, because that's been the majority of my relationship experience. It's the reason I declared a state of war to initiated sweeping personal changes for myself. It's the reason I have a few entrenched reservations about women and relationships.

I need to be re-educated and I know it. It would take a woman with a good heart a fair bit of patience to do that.

It's the last thing on my mind to look for though. One will find me, when it's time.

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I believe you make your own heaven and you make your own hell, then you live with it and then you die and spend your eternity with it.

Why I believe this has to do with the way I believe things work. I do not believe that heaven and hell are special collectives of extremely themed spiritual nature, like what religion teaches. I do not believe there is "nothing" after death because science, itself, dictates that neither matter or energy go to "nothing".. and those are the two things of which you're composite.

The body doesn't go to "nothing" when it dies. It merely changes form and is deposited back to the whole from which it's elements came. Why wouldn't it stand to reason that the energy base that forms our consciousness does something of the same?

The body's former elements are subject to recommission in another body at some time, by re-absorption into the living end of the life cycle. Why wouldn't the soul be?

So there's my "why".

The belief is actually very simple: As this life goes on, you suffer and prosper by the decisions you make, for they create the reality you live. In death, those decisions are forever in memory to be remembered, seen and reflected on, so that suffering/prosperity you created and lived goes on with you, in spirit, constituting your personal heaven to reside in or hell to endure.
   

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One of the things I came to realize, as an adult, is that all that teenage angst and even all that academic pressure to succeed so as to get into a good college... doesn't matter. College is the real battlefield because it's already knee deep in real world elements and implications. Of course they tell you that, but nothing that you do in high school really gets you ready for it.

Other than that, my "real" friendships that I had from that time lived on and everything else faded away into distant memory. Academics turned out not to matter. I'm a straight A student now. It's almost effortless. As soon as I leave the bull pin I'm gonna start to follow my plan.

Going back to high school wouldn't likely change the way things have panned out.  

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There are stories to tell about the last few months, but right now things are moving too quickly to stop and tell. So, for those of you who've wanted to know, stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the war.