December 5, 2010
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Spotless
I read an article about a week ago that said that scientists were actually close to finding a way to permanently erase bad memories.
I just found it again, here.
Anyway, while I'm sure that would be an.. inaccessible/extremely expensive procedure, it was fascinating enough to get me to ask myself if I'd consider it for myself.
Sure enough, a procedure like that carries with it.. the potential for liberation from heavy things that a person carries on their heart and mind. Sure enough, freedom from such things is not possible, currently, by any other means or with any amount of time. Sure enough, to have memories of people, places, and things that have inflicted wounds on one's mind, body or soul... just wiped away as if they were never a part of your life... that seems like a god-sent gift.
But is it? For me, questions would have to be asked about.. what could happen, as a result. I'm not talking about.. what would happen if it goes wrong.. or they screw up and etch-a-sketch my whole brain but I mean... what would happen if it goes right?
Suppose I do have my memories edited, filtering out the bad ones. What happens to me? I would certainly change, as a person. Probably into a person who is radically different than I am, now. I am a person who has, in some ways, been defined by my lifetime of bumps, bruises, cuts and mortal wounds. For better or worse, they've been a large part of who I am and how I see things and how I do things.
I'm not certain if that's a bad thing, though. I've often said, and truly meant it when I did, that I wish I could return to the way I was, of course referring to how I might've been before X, Y, or Z happened.
The consequences, I think, wouldn't be limited to my insides, though.
I would.. discontinue my entire war effort. I would be able to make peace with my enemies on this Earth, long before the appropriate time or place for that.. because I'd be unable to remember what they did to me. I'd soon break the commitments I've made on the other side of my goals. I'd stop everything and stare, wondering what made me decide to do it.. wondering why I'm at war.. what I'm at war against... and I'd be in a poor position to go on to the next thing as I've planned to.. without being able to remember what brought me to this point.
I'd hurt some people in ways I'd never understand.. by dissociating with them.. because I can't remember who they are or why I know them. Ironically, it might be something hurtful enough to avenge me, but it would be purely unintended.
I can't really see those as acceptable consequences.
When I've completed my life's current task, finishing the war I've started, I will be a very far distance from where I am, at this moment. It's at that point in time when I believe it will be possible to close the books on the ugliness that has consumed much of my lifetime.. as well as on the intricacies of the last nearly 6 years of concerted, bitter struggle against it. When that's done, I'm sure small flecks of memory will survive and continue to have a say in..little parts of the way I am and the way I live.
I actually think some of those developments are positive and could be relevant to my continued survival on this planet, after the war's long over. I wouldn't want to lose them.. but that is exactly what would happen if I were to go messing around in my memories, trying to weed out the bad ones.
There have been things horrific enough to make me sick.. and.. hurtful enough to bring me, a grown man, to tears. They're gone and in the past, though. They've had their moment to cause me pain.. and their time at the forefront as obstacles of my progress. Now they are experiences. Though grim, each one has a value.. and each one provided me with something.
Even if they didn't.. I'm about to be 25, and the end product of a quarter of my life's fury driven efforts is about to render. It's really too late for a mental wiping to do any good. It might have done be well 5 or 10 years ago.. but now, what's done is done, I am who I am headed in the direction I am.. all a product of those and other experiences.
I know, then, to take that away would take away a too-large part of myself. So, therefore, I wouldn't do it.
How about you others? Would you erase the bad memories in your lives? Would you consider them invaluable, or do you think it'd be better if you did dump them?
Comments (5)
"I would.. discontinue my entire war effort." Exactly. You wouldn't be this Don.
I actually have an article up on my wall about a man who was found unconscious, dressed smartly on a beach in the UK. He was awoken and he had no idea who he was or anything about his life. They were doing a nationwide investigation to help him to get back into his original life. I have it on my wall because it was fascinating to me, especially because it started "Smiling cheerfully to the camera, this man seems to have not a care in the world. But he is at the centre of a nationwide investigation because..." I thought "of course he is cheerful. He has no memories, therefore he has no bad memories." And it basically begged the same questions/lines of thought as the ones you speak about right here. Would I have that happen, given the choice? My usual conclusion is no, for these similar reasons.
I mean.. there's some choice things I probably could live without.. which probably wouldn't effect the overall* life I've lead.. for example.. I might live just fine able to forget the time I went to school half naked.. and finished out the day that way. I was in such a rush I forgot half my clothes.
Or the time I saw my first love kiss someone else, as though I never even existed. That was.. probably the moment my heart cracked and broke physically.
Or the time I eavesdropped on a phone convo between my parents basically laughing off my stated goals in life and talking about me like a hopeless retard. That was infuriating beyond all words, let me tell you.
Those things I probably could do without and still be filled with a terrible resolve this day..
But then.. maybe I'd lose something, in it being not-as* terrible. I dunno for sure. That's why I wouldn't do it.
Yep. You turned out just fine. It's not worth the risk of losing the Don-ness just to see if it's better or worse.
@OhItWontBeForever -
Well, I feel like.. whether its a bad thing the way I am now or..what I've done with my life up to now.. or whether it isn't.. that'll be decided at some point after the war.
This could benefit children who faced some traumatic events. Or even for the 'adults' who can't seem to lead a semi-normal life, being completely stuck in the past. But not for the rest of us. We do find a way to appreciate those experiences; even if it was just to let go of whatever it is that happened back then, so we could truly live. Nice post.