October 9, 2012

  • The Time & Place

      

     Time and time again, I've reflected on how things have changed this year. I have arrived at the conclusion that I do not regret anything except the things that I wasted time on.

    I wasted time muddling through school and displacing it for things more immediate, for example. As a consequence, the day will come when it's all done and I can move on, but not for a while, still.It bothers me immensely that my 20s will be virtually gone, by that time, but better that than not at all. It could be worse, I suppose.
    Besides that, I don't think I have a single regret, so far.I've used this time away from my old world to set as much of it right as possible. I have a new world to stay within, though, and that's usually on the front of my mind.
    Unlike the past, I don't have a big dream anymore. No future glory to fight, bite and scratch for. No certain thing to achieve.I'm quite done searching this planet for a home, for final happiness, for any sort of promised land.
    I did find traces of that, though, by following through to now. When I stop thinking so much about how much life is going to pass by as I wait to finish my Master's, I realize that that's a couple or a few more years that I'll have to enjoy this wonderfully simple life that I have.
    I can't stay here, and the time is soon coming for me to go back to a more intense set of circumstances but I have been able to confirm that this is one of the places to which I want to return when it's time.I'm ready for it. 
    The next time I return to a state of war, I have memories, not fantasies, of what I intend to earn my way back to.
    I found a peace that I'd like to enjoy. I found an opportunity to make for myself a normal life.I always knew I'd have to come this far to get it and that's why I don't regret any of the past. That's why I've made an effort to forgive. That's why I've reached for peace.

    That being said, I do realize that I'm only in the middle of that precious struggle. That hard part is over and the next will require strength, endurance, meticulousness and intelligence. I'm well dug into it, already.

    Sooner or later, I'm going back to finish my business. I will do so with my trademark resolve. 

    After that, I'll be back here, to build something more permanent. I don't want any conflict nor any trouble. I have an extremely clear objective which is already in play. As I understand it, times are going to be tough for myself and for the country I am returning to.

    That's why I'm getting my spirit ready. I know what I have to do. I function best when I do.
    I'm never going to abandon this part of my way. It's gotten me far. It is me.