March 30, 2012

  • East Side Story

      
    So, I'm entering my 4th month in Shanghai.

    I'm dug into a comfortable apartment which I shared briefly but now have to myself. I'm contemplating moving to another city, just because I can. I recently found out that I'm on a 90 day multi-entry, year log visa.. which means that my victory isn't gonna be as short lived as I previously thought.

    There are a lot of difficulties that I have had here, but overall I don't regret for one second coming here.

    Since I've been here, I've gotten lost, had my overdue dose of heartbreak, had the best pizza in several years and been in tons of awkward/scary situations.

    What I face here is a brand new kind of difficulty, different hardships than before. What matters the most to me is that I left the time and place of hopelessness behind. All of what I'm experiencing here is endurable.

    I will have to go back, eventually, but my visa here isn't over for a long time and I intend to use it all.

    I have lost many important things but I would say that, overall, God has been good to me. I'm still not a religious person, but I think I've been at war long enough to know that I'm not solely responsible for my victory.

    I would venture to say to anyone, without meaning offense to their beliefs, that life is truly 50% the path opened up to you and 50% your willingness to step forward into it. I can't say it with copious amounts of information to support it other than this is what I've experienced.

    I was at war for 6 years, fighting my way out of a time and place of hopelessness to create a direction for my life to go. Things haven't gone completely according to plan but I am where I intended to be, all those years. Now that I'm here, more of the path is starting to reveal itself to me.

    For the first time, I'm able to say that I know what direction I'm moving toward. Also, for the first time, I am not afraid to venture and make more small steps to see where I can go.

    I have to leave here, every 3 months or so, though. And my first 3 months ended last week. So I took a trip.

    I briefly invaded Hong Kong. What a place. No words can even describe the vibe there. It's the most universal.. international place I've ever been to. It was completely surreal to walk among people from literally every corner and cranny of the planet, all speaking English along side their native languages, hustling, bustling and interacting. I was only there for about 2 days.. but I think, if I don't go to Japan, I'll go to Hong Kong for a week, instead next time. I mostly ate Indian food, even though there was pizza and everything else. It was nice to eat something fried and crunchy yet still new to me.

    I came back to Shanghai yesterday. I found a few treasures in this place, too.

    One such priceless thing: I found out that the Pizza Huts in Shanghai deliver... which, for about a week, was dangerous as it is really good here...

    While I'm here, I work any way I can and continue my studies. It's a lot easier to study now, without a billion distractions. It is a bit lonely here, but I've been lonely for several years so I think I'm functionally accustomed to that. I did make a lot of friends here :3. I had one relationship, which just kind of died on the table.

    It's very hard to connect with people, on any level because most people here are just too busy. Which is cool, too. I imagine when I do finally get this degree finished (in.. damn.. still 2 years?!) I'll be just as busy and sapped for time as them.. only I'll be making 3-5x their wage. Which is sad, in a way.

    I wouldn't say I've forgotten about my old life. I write back to my family often. I don't know if there's a peace* between us now, but there is definitely a new understanding. As far as I'm concerned, the war is over.

    I will say I don't miss that life. I do miss seeing family, but I don't miss the past circumstances.

    I'm here on a mission.

    I'm here making something of myself. I'm affecting people's lives positively. I'm changing my life in a net positive way. I'm commanding every aspect of my destiny that I can control, absolutely. I'm surviving, making my own mistakes and learning from them. I'm adapting and growing. I'm going to some of the places that I always day-dreamed about. I'm in bombing distance of most of the others.
    I'm documenting every worthwhile step of this because the children back home who have similar dreams as I did need to see it.

    I always wanted to be the person to lead them out into the world they want to be a part of. Now, I have my shot.

    This is what I always wanted. It's kind of a shame that I had to go 8,000 miles away to achieve that but I said from the start of the war, that that was necessary.