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Guided only by the lessons learned since the start of the war and mindful of the cost that carrying it on in the ways that I have, for the reasons I have and to the end products I have sought, I can only come to one concurrent thought about it.
I have watched the flags of victory come up all around me; Each of my brothers & sisters has found either salvation, or their way to it. Yet, I remain at war.. having not held onto a single grain of sand or solace than I began with.
I do not know the reason. Not exactly. But, drawing from my own past, I know what may be required.
As far as I can recall, the closest I have come to final victory has always been when I was forced to lay aside all that I had and trade it for something else.. lunging myself, thusly, outside of my little world and into another completely unfamiliar one, where I could make my way.. starting from nothing.
Perhaps the only solution is, indeed, to tear everything down & start again. The alternative is to continue a war that I am not losing.. but not winning either.. or to turn tail and concede all my capitol gains, forsaking my will for peace.
Neither of those is acceptable. I've given too much time to the eventual acquisition of my statehood. I will not let that slip from my agenda. Not now. Not ever.
I just think it's time that my strategy changes. As previously stated, I intend to stop the buck this very year. 5 years I've lost to this. 3 of them in ascent from ruin, but internal descent.
I've learned that God.. or whomever is commanding this experiment.. makes a way to thrive if I will but have the courage to lay aside all in my possession to pursue that way. At least once before I've unintentionally tested that.. and here I sit. Not free.. but alive.. (which was all I could ask for, at the time).
And so, before the winter comes, I think that's what I'll do. Every sign or source around has been telling me to.
It's rather inconvenient that I would come to that conclusion now.. but better now than never.
I'll call it.. Operation Samson :).
Here goes.
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| | Posted 9/18/2009 6:47 PM - 2 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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